Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
