the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
