Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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