i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
