I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
