i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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