I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
