Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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