i think my tv is drunk
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
