i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
