U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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