Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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