I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
