He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My bed smells like the plague
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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