never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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