this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
