Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
