you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
