i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
