I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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