my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
