i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
