I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
