im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
