conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Semen is not good for contacts.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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