I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
