your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am naked and annoyed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
