I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
