I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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