ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize