i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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