Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
