hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
