Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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