We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We got so high we made milksteak
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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