We won't sleep together?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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