Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
