Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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