batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
