I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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