You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
