you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
