so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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