Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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