I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
