i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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