and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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