My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
