When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
