She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
