party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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