if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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