i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
