you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
