I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
