I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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